This is the second blog of a series called Spiritual Guidance in which I use tarot, my experience and intuition to guide people to find solutions for their problems. This question is from Tiffany, who asks about a spirituality ABC:
My question would be – while we are all undergoing our spiritual shifts & different paths – it seems to me that all of this information out there can easily confuse many that want to – take up this walk , so to speak. I feel that there should be some first steps that can be clearly defined for those who are just entering this new world. You might say – well follow your heart & take what steps you feel you need to. But for certain people & people like myself , I had ALL KINDS of info coming at me. I would have loved it if I had a place I could have gone ( via blog , website etc) that could tell me – ok. First thing to do that would greatly benefit you , would be to learn how to meditate.
I get that it’s different for everyone. But clearly there are some things that would be helpful to learn , right off the bat. Right ? So coming right out the gate – what should a “newbie” to the spiritual path – do FIRST?
Thank you so much for your interesting question! As you said, there are many different ways to enter this new world and everybody is going to tell you a different way. But I will tell you what I personally believe is the most effective and fastest way to get there.
First of all, I need to raise the question: what is spirituality? There are thousands of different ideas what it means to be spiritual and some of them are very confusing.
I want to keep it simple: Spirituality is a way to get to know yourself fully. To understand and feel that you are the creator of your own reality. It is about taking full responsibility for your energetic involvement in every situation.
We attract certain situations into our lives because our thoughts and emotions vibrate to a specific frequency that we share with those who surround us. Our outside world is the mirror of our inside world. If we do not like what is happening to us, we need to find out what aspect of our personality vibrates to the same frequency of the unloved event.
We achieve that by making the unconscious conscious and heal traumas from the past.
To understand my question better, please read the following blogpost about the filters that we use to perceive our reality.
Let me use the words of Teal Swan to summarize what happens to us:
“We are born whole, but that wholeness is short lived because we are relationally dependent. Being born relationally dependent into families that socialize us into a society that is not fully evolved yet, spells trouble. Basically we learn that some aspects of ourselves are acceptable, and others are not. What is acceptable vs. unacceptable depends on the perspective of the family you’re born into. The aspects of us that are seen as unacceptable (both positive and negative) are rejected by our family and the aspects that are seen as acceptable are not. So, being relationally dependent, in the name of survival, we do anything we can to disown and deny and suppress those aspects in ourselves that are disapproved of whilst exaggerating those that are approved of. We dissociate from what we disapprove of. This creates a split within the person that we call the conscious and the subconscious. This self-preservation instinct is in fact our first act of self-rejection.
For example, a child is born into a family where anger is not an ok emotion to express. When the child gets angry, they are shamed for that anger so the child suppresses and denies their anger for the sake of survival within the household. But the anger doesn’t go away. They just consciously deny it. It becomes subconscious. As an adult, this person will most likely not have any awareness that they have any anger in them at all. They will not and cannot see themselves clearly because they have denied that aspect of themselves. So when people tell them that they are angry, they will not relate to that at all. They will probably only relate to themselves as easy going. When we deny, suppress or disown something, it doesn’t disappear. It just fades from our awareness. To acknowledge it, brings up the same fear of rejection and so it makes us feel like we are going to die… No wonder self-awareness isn’t so easy to attain. Every human in existence that was ever socialized (which is everyone), went through this process of splitting themselves into parts. Parts that are owned and parts that are disowned. This self-rejection is the birth of self-hate. The emptiness that we feel is the result of those missing rejected or disowned parts of our self. And the soul wants one thing, to make us whole again. We will be provided every single opportunity to become whole again. But in order to become whole again, we need to see and accept the aspects of ourselves that we disowned and denied and rejected. This is painful. Self-awareness does not come naturally to those who avoid pain because to become aware of those aspects, you must stop trying to escape the pain and emptiness within you where those missing parts should be. So where does projection come into all of this? We often overcompensate for whatever trait we have denied. For example, the person who suppressed the aspect of themselves that is a striver, becomes apathetic. The person who suppressed the aspect of themselves that was apathetic, is such a striver, they excel at everything.”
Spirituality for me is the road of self-discovery. Be aware, once you start it is difficult to stop.
Here comes my personal spirituality ABC for starters. Some of you may know parts of it already from my book: How to love your shadow site?
A. Move into your emotions
Many spiritual traditions tell us that emotions are in the way to spiritual awareness and that we need to liberate ourselves from them by distancing us from our ego through meditation. That is one way that has not worked well for me. Because of the emotions and thoughts I had a hard time focusing in meditation and could not sit still. It was impossible to liberate myself from them because of an inner anxiety that I did not see myself overcome by distancing myself.
I found that the opposite works much better to liberate yourself from an emotion: dive into it and gift it your absolute presence. It is your inner child calling for your attention and any time you turn away from an emotion, you are leaving your inner child alone. We have suppressed these feelings at some point in our lives and they have stayed with us ever since, always attracting situations that will have us experience them again
My life has taken a drastic turn since I started to dive deep into my emotions and accept them for what they are; my inner navigation system. The long phases of depression I used to suffer through have dissolved into a state of inner peace.
If we judge a feeling and try to push it away by distracting ourselves from it, we automatically judge our inner navigation system that is trying to tell us something very important. Therefore it will not go away, but instead persist and try to communicate with us even louder. If you try to run away from your emotions, they will stick to you and grow stronger.
So what do I do when an uncomfortable emotion comes up? I feel it without judgment. I investigate the feeling the same way that a scientist would do research: Where is it located in my body? What does it feel like (“bad” isn’t a sufficient answer)? What shape and size is it? What color, texture and temperature does it have?
Analyzing a feeling in this way will automatically stop the judgments which is key to release resistance. I welcome the feeling and thank it for being there.
I would like to share with you a brilliant explanation of spiritual teacher Teal Swan, who explains in detail how to move into your emotions and allow them to transform themselves:
“We run from our feelings. We would do almost anything to avoid being in the now and moving towards the way we feel. Most processes are designed to change how we feel deliberately, so we can avoid being present with how we feel. It serves a purpose to know that you can deliberately change the way you feel, but it also serves a purpose to know that by being present with how you feel, the feeling changes on it’s own.
Most of us follow a four step process:
Step 1: We experience something.
Step 2. That experience causes us to form a belief, in other words, it causes us to tell a story about what happened and attach meaning to the experience.
Step 3: Then, our emotion reflects that story that we are telling ourselves. It reflects the thoughts we’re thinking about the experience. It causes us to feel certain ways.
Step 4: Then, that creates the emotion and the way we feel relative to the experience and the thoughts we were thinking as a result of the experience, causes us to take an action or exhibit a behavior.
But most of us are not present with ourselves enough to recognize the thoughts we are thinking as a result of the experience or the emotions we’re feeling. We do not take time to be present with them. Instead, we jump straight from the experience to the behavior.
Here’s an example: Step 1. I get into an argument with my boyfriend or girlfriend. Step 2. This causes me to tell stories (which are beliefs systems) like this: It is always like this; They are going to leave me, I’m not going to end up with anyone, I’m going to die alone, guys are such ass holes, women are such bitches etc.
Step 3. Your emotion and your feelings reflect those stories. You feel depressed, hopeless, or maybe panicked.
Step 4. That emotion translates to a sensation in your body, and an uncomfortable one. So you try to get away from it as fast as you can. So you drink alcohol, or cut yourself or binge eat. The thing is, this process happens so fast that you most likely did not even notice steps 2 and 3. And you sure as hell did not take time to be present with step 2 or 3, enough to recognize the thoughts or to intentionally move deeper into the emotions and feelings that were present with you as a result of the experience. Instead, you got into a fight with your girlfriend or boyfriend and you immediately skipped step two and three and jumped straight to drinking alcohol or cutting yourself or binge eating. But true healing, comes from step 2 and step 3. We have the opportunity to heal our thought patterns and change our stories, so we are attracting different experiences into our life. And, we have the opportunity to be present with the way we feel, so the feeling moves and is transformed.
One of the major problems with the way we deal with mental health in our modern world is that we try to help people escape from feelings. This is why we numb them out with prescription pills. We do not understand that those feelings serve a purpose, many in fact. We don’t understand that by moving into the feelings, they will transform on their own. And we tell people that the reason they feel the way they feel, is because their brain is defective. This could not be further from the truth.
There is another lie that we tell ourselves, the lie is that we have to consciously do something proactive to change the way we feel in the moment. The truth is, we don’t. All we need to do is release resistance to the feelings we feel and emotions we feel. How do we do that? By moving into our feelings in the present moment. If you observe a feeling, and let yourself be conscious of feeling it, it always changes on it’s own. Then, our only job is to follow the way it changes, drop into that new feeling and breathe into the new feeling. And when that new feeling changes, we simply follow it again and consciously let ourselves feel and breathe into that new feeling. We do this until the feeling changes into something we can identify as a positive, better feeling sensation.
Belief systems and stories are mental constructs. They are the ego interpreting and translating experiences and feelings into meaning. They pull us away from the very in the moment feelings that they produce. So, it is important to know that there is a difference between the thoughts you’re thinking and the feelings you are feeling before attempting this process. You can do this process whenever a feeling comes up, wherever it comes up. And you can do this with your eyes closed or open. Just stop what you’re doing. Turn your focus towards the sensations in your being right here and now. Be with that feeling. What does that feeling feel like, what does it look like? Describe it to yourself mentally. Don’t deliberately do anything to change it. Stay with it and notice it shifting. If it does not shift, give it some room to shift by breathing into the feeling and/or expanding the sensation outwards into the room, so it is both inside you, and you are surrounded by it. It will transform on it’s own. Then, your job is purely to chase or follow each sensation as it shifts, as many times as it does shift until you arrive at a feeling in the present moment that feels good to experience.
You can use emotion to help you to step into the feeling by naming the emotion and then describing how that emotion feels in your body. So let’s say you feel sad, ask yourself what does sadness feel like in my body?
If your mind takes over and tries to tell you a story about what it is feeling, or if you get lost in mental imagery instead of paying attention to the actual sensations in your body, don’t try to go back to the last thing you were focused on before your mind took over, instead just come back to the present moment again and place your attention on the new sensation that is current in your being and continue the process from that place.
Here is an example of what this process may look like:
- What feeling am I feeling in my body?
- What does panic feel like in my body?
- It feels like the inside of my body is buzzing. I feel a heart beat in the center of my stomach. It is very heavy. It looks like a metal ball sitting in the pit of my stomach.
- Just sit with that feeling and that image and breathe into it.
- Notice how it changes, what does it change into? How does that new feeling feel in my body?
- It turned into blackness, a feeling of emptiness, it is like being in a closet but I can’t see the walls because there is no light that is getting in.
- How does it feel in my body to feel the darkness in that black closet?
- It feels lonely
- How does loneliness feel in my body?
- It feels empty, like a dull, frightening ache in my muscles
- Just let myself be with that feeling of the empty ache in my muscles, let myself experience it, stay with it, and breathe into it.
- What is it turning into now? What does the feeling feel like now?
- What does confusion feel like in my body?
- It feels dizzy like I’m spinning. My throat feels heavy and constricted, my rib cage feels too small.
- Let myself experience that sensation, just be in it, letting myself feel it and breathe into that feeling.
- How is that feeling changing? What is it changing into?
- It isn’t changing!
- Expand that sensation so it is not just in my body, it is also outside my body. Breathe it into the room so that it is both inside of me and outside of me. This gives it space to transform.
- I see calm ocean waves… I know why I’m seeing ocean waves, when I was little I got really confused when my parents were arguing and I ran to the ocean and I immediately felt better!
- Now my mind is pulling me out of the present moment of how I feel in my body by asking me to get lost in a story. Come back to my body, not the image of the ocean waves, what am I feeling in my body?
- What does relief feel like in my body?
- It feels like my chest and stomach are opening. It feels like the energy is moving out of my arms and legs. I feel my throat opening up
- Just stay with that sensation. What is it turning into?
- I see the image of hot buttered corn.
- What does that feel like in my body?
- It feels like contentment, like my whole body is getting lighter. My heart is moving forward like it wants to experience the world. My body feels warmth like sunshine, especially across my back.
- If you closed your eyes, open them. Notice how you feel better now than you did when you started the exercise.
Some of the feelings and sensations you experience will be ineffable; so don’t worry if you cannot describe them. The point is not to be able to describe them; the point is to let yourself feel them and experience them. The prerogative of this exercise is to follow the sensations one by one as they shift until you find yourself in a feeling state that feels good. And if you happen to decide to chase the feeling states one by one as far as they can go, eventually you will arrive at a state where no superficial feeling exists in the now.
For some of us, when the sensation itself shifts, we will be able to follow the shift in sensation alone. But for those of us that are especially trapped in the mind, and in the mental process, each transition and feeling will be preceded by a visual image. The point is to then ask yourself how that visual image makes you feel in your body. The only way to transform a feeling is to actually stay with the sensation of that feeling in the body. We can’t do this if we get lost in the visual image that represents the feeling or in the meaning of the visual images that are attached to the feeling, because it is a kind of avoidance of feeling the actual feeling.
At the root of all impulse behaviors is an unwillingness to be with the feeling that is evoking the behavior. Being with the feeling, is the way to slow down enough to gain control over the behavior. It is very important for personal growth to know that your feelings do not own you. They are just feelings. There is no feeling that cannot be transformed by moving into it with the focus of consciousness. You can’t change from a state of resistance to a state of non-resistance unless you move into the feeling of resistance within you. When you do not resist the feeling directly and you do not run away from the feeling (which is also resistance), the feeling has no power over you. It becomes nothing more than a perception. It becomes nothing more than information. By doing this process, you will find that your being is the observer, perceiver and translator of those feelings. Your being isn’t the feelings themselves, any more than it is at the mercy of those feelings.”
Ghetto Tarot Tip: Shuffle the cards while asking which one of your feelings has long been suppressed. Draw a Tarot card and try to connect with your intuition only. Are suppressed feelings coming up? Try the exercise!
If you experience very intense feelings caused by a deep-rooted trauma, you can go a step further and talk to this feeling.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- How do I feel? Name the feelings and emotions and sensations within you. Allow yourself to feel the aspects of your experience that you’ve long suppressed.
- When did I last experience this exact same feeling? Let yourself visualize that experience fully so that the emotional state becomes very real
- When did I first experience this same feeling in my life? Let yourself go all the way back, even if it makes no sense whatsoever to you. What images do you see? What feelings? What smells? What sensations are taking place within your body? Why are you feeling what you’re feeling? What is the circumstance?
If nothing comes, be patient with that. Trust the process. Trust that you will receive the exact experience you need at this time.
When we are taken back to the memory in which we experienced that original trauma, we are provided with an opportunity to alter the original experience. The adult us can help the child us. We can remedy the situation. We can observe the memory and then mentally alter that memory in a way that feels emotionally positive. This is what they call “inner child work”. For example, if you are taken into a memory where your father left you, imagine the adult you approaching the child you, comforting the child and finding a way to meet the child’s needs. For example, you could become the stable parent for your inner child. Or you could give the child a reliable father figure of their choice. Or you could explain the whole situation objectively to the child and help them to not take the action personally. Altering the memory in this way changes the causation of the trauma. This alteration ensures that all that has transpired as a result of that trauma is altered as well. You are affecting the very blueprint of your emotional life. The circumstances of your life will change on their own as a result of altering the cause of those circumstances, which is always past trauma.
I recommend the book of Teal Swan: The Completion Process. The Completion Process works by reintegrating fractured aspects of the self, which have been disassociated usually in our childhood at the time of a traumatic experience. When we were children and experienced a situation too difficult to cope with or if it was simply not allowed to feel a certain emotion, we disassociate one or several aspects of our self. In adulthood subconscious memories run in the background of our day-to-day life and we attract situations into our lives that will trigger the same emotion that was suppressed in the original trauma.
Until we are ready to go back and explore ourselves completely, it can be very difficult to heal ourselves. I know this from both personal and professional experience. It’s important to go back to the roots of the problem instead of treating the symptoms.
If you do not want to do it on your own, you can book a session with me. I am a trained facilitator of this process.
B. Question the voice in your head.
All the suffering that goes on inside our minds is not reality, it’s just a story that we torture ourselves with. Whatever you focus on is where your energy flows. What you focus on, you experience. What you focus on, you become. Your core beliefs feed your thoughts. Your thoughts feed your emotions. Your emotions create your actions. Your actions create your life.
If you are trying to get rid of the negativity in your life, you will attract more of it. The answer lies not in its suppression but in the questioning of it.
Once you find the judgments or thoughts that are fueling your distress, you can challenge those beliefs. My favorite process for questioning a belief is a process called “The Work” by Byron Katie. Here is how it works:
Write down your stressful thoughts, judgments or core beliefs, and then ask yourself the following four questions:
Question 1: Is it true?
This question can change your life. Be still and ask yourself if the thought you wrote down is true.
Question 2: Can you absolutely know it’s true?
This is another opportunity to open your mind and to go deeper into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what we think we know.
Question 3: How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought, judgment or core belief?
With this question, you begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the thought, there is a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic. What do you feel? How do you treat the person (or the situation) you’ve written about, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought? Make a list, and be specific.
Question 4: Who would you be without the thought, judgment or core belief?
Imagine yourself in the presence of that person (or in that situation), without believing the thought. How would your life be different if you didn’t have the ability to even think the stressful thought? How would you feel? Which do you prefer—life with or without the thought? Which feels kinder, more peaceful?
Turn the thought, judgment or core belief around:
The “turnaround” gives you an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you believe. Once you have found one or more turnarounds to your original statement, you are invited to find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true in your life.
“The power of the turnaround lies in the discovery that everything you think you see on the outside is really a projection of your own mind. Everything is a mirror image of your own thinking. Once you have learned to search for your own answers and open yourself up to the turnarounds, you’ll experience this for yourself. In discovering the innocence of the person you judged, you’ll come to recognize your own innocence.” ~Byron Katie
Find out more on her website: www.thework.com
Our thoughts and judgments are a product of our core beliefs. It is easier to start questioning our thoughts and judgments, but you will ultimately find that challenging your core beliefs is more fruitful.
We also need to use our core beliefs to determine what we would rather believe. So once you find a core belief, ask yourself “What would I rather believe?” And begin looking for proof that this new belief is true. Read and watch and seek out any material that supports this new belief. As you go about your daily life, ask yourself “what would I do right now if I believed this new belief with all my heart? And do those things. With enough focus, you will manifest more proof that the new belief is true and the belief will become stronger and stronger until it has completely replaced the old core belief.
Most of us struggle for years against beliefs that have been deeply rooted in our being. We do everything we can think of to try to resist and fight against the beliefs when all we really need to do is sit down and directly pull these roots up so we can see them clearly and then replace them. It may be a bit time consuming, but look at it this way… you have the choice to struggle against them every day of your busy life or to take an hour or two of your time and focus specifically on doing the work necessary to alter them for good so you no longer have to struggle against them. 
C. Share your truth
Sharing your feelings releases built up energy inside of yourself. Sharing helps to create bonds, to become more authentic and intimate. Sharing is a beautiful way to get closer to the real you and to reintegrate with your shadow aspect.
Some of us fear hurting the other person when speaking about their truth that they will not be heard or will be judged for what they say. And this fear could become reality. You may part ways with some of your friends because your honesty may trigger their shadow sites and you never know if they are ready to confront them yet. It happened to me. And you know what? Letting go of the old makes space for the new. Embracing change will lead to growth. Now, my life is full of people who appreciate my shared truths.
I used to let myself be controlled by fear. I didn’t share my feelings, because I was afraid that people wouldn’t care. I was scared that once again, the world would prove to me that the others wouldn’t listen or wouldn’t help me. So I carried all of this energy inside of me, which constantly caused phases of depression. If you choose to not share your feelings, you will hurt somebody, that somebody is you. Once I allowed myself to feel all my emotions, including fears, I found the inner force to tell others what I really felt.
There is an old Chinese poem that explains that only a person, who resists the arrow, can be pierced by the arrow. But if one becomes like water, in a state of total openness and non-resistance, the arrow cannot injure them. It would be absorbed into the expanse of them. To live in a state of constriction, especially when we live a secretive life that is closed to others, is to resist the arrow and thus, to become a match to being pierced by it. If we are completely open, we give all of our ammunition away, and by doing so, it cannot be used on us. We become too expansive for other people to make a dent in us.
We have a choice at all moments of the day; the choice is to be open or to be closed. This is why one of the most beneficial exercises you can do is to ask yourself throughout the day “how am I being closed right now? How am I constricting myself or letting myself be constricted?” and make the necessary changes in favor of openness based on the answer you receive. A state of openness is the real state of freedom. Everything we do is a creative expression of our inner selves. To be constricted in any way, is to prevent the energy of our being from flowing through our bodies and into our lives.
There are many ways in which you can practice openness. My favorite one is a wonderful ritual called the Sharing Circle. It’s a traditional way that Native American people use to solve problems. It can be done in a group or with two people. It is a very effective way to remove barriers and to allow people to express themselves in complete freedom. The symbolism of the circle, with no beginning or end and with nobody in a position of prominence, serves to encourage people to speak freely and honestly about things that are on their minds. You can set a time limit (e.g. 10 minutes) or let everybody speak as long as they want. The importance is that nobody is allowed to interrupt the speaker and must listen attentively in a supportive presence. Listening with the heart allows you to hear the true intent beneath what the speaker is saying. The speaker can say whatever is in their heart, let it out without being judged and chose the tempo as well as time needed to express their true selves. Everybody thanks each other after sharing.
The circle may be used to allow everyone to get problems off their chests. Very often, a simple chance to have a voice and to have their problem heard in a sympathetic and supportive environment is all that a person requires to heal. Whatever has been said in the circle, remains in the circle.
I practice this with my boyfriend at least once a week. We find it to be a wonderful tool to express anything on our minds. It is a moment in which we talk about problems and concerns, reflect on our feelings and give thanks to each other. It’s a wonderful way to practice truly listening to each other without judging how the other feels.
The only way we can achieve self-awareness is to be open with ourselves and by opening ourselves to the world.
Ghetto Tarot Tip: Do a sharing circle in which each of the participants draws a card and speaks about the emotions that this card evokes in them.
D. Forgive yourself and others
“If we can accept that we are the sum total of all past thoughts, emotions, words, deeds and actions and that our present lives and choices are colored or shaded by this memory bank of the past, then we begin to see how a process of correcting or setting aright can change our lives, our families and our society.” Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona
Here is a wonderful explanation of a Hawaiian ritual called Ho’oponopono, to Heal Your Inner and Outer Worlds written by Pamela Turner.
The energy of everyone you have known and everything you have done resides within you. This energy affects your behavior now. It’s part of the filter and belief system that makes up your perception and how you interpret everything that happens to you. In the process of Ho’oponopono, you clear and balance that energy so it can no longer affect your experience of life in a negative way. It’s like clearing away a fog that prevents you from seeing life as it really is. Gradually you get back to your clear, natural state of Love and Joy.
It is your inner energies that are creating your reality. Events in the outer world, our objective reality, are just events and affect everyone differently because we all carry different energy within us. The way we interpret these events, due to our memories, programs and beliefs, creates our inner subjective reality. It is this inner reality that is creating our experience of life. It IS our life. So when we change our inner world, through clearing and balancing, we change the experience of life itself. Our perception changes. We start noticing different things in the outer world and giving them different meanings. This is an amazing thing to know because it means that you can take responsibility for your experience and have the power to change your world. As we all find more peace and balance within, our outer world will become one of more love, joy and harmony as well.
There is a special formula to ho’oponopono that allows this healing. It is actually the underlying formula used in many ancient as well as modern healing practices. It engages the subconscious, conscious and Higher Self all at once, your Whole Self. If you leave any one of these out, healing can’t take place.
Here is the formula: BALANCE = IDENTITY + LOVE + FORGIVENESS + GRATITUDE
IDENTITY: When you first notice there is a problem, you have a choice. You can either engage in the problem and become part of it with blame and thinking, or you can choose to see it for what it is, unbalanced energy, and begin the healing and clearing process. It is a matter of identity. Are you identifying with the problem? Or are you identifying with the greater part of you, the Divine part of you that can heal it?
LOVE: You send Love to the problem. You are accepting the problem rather than suppressing it. If you suppress something, it persists and gets stuck. It doesn’t change; it just keeps coming back and bothering you over and over again. Instead, you can recognize that it is just energy within you that is trying to be integrated and healed. Love connects you to your Higher Self/God/Divinity which is the true healer, and, love gets the energy unstuck and flowing. So, all healing involves Love. Healing is integrating and gathering back the unbalanced energy so it can be balanced.
FORGIVENESS: Forgiveness is freedom. What you are forgiving is not that you did something wrong or that the problem is wrong. Nothing is wrong; it’s just out of balance because this energy was created in you through wounding and misperceptions which is just part of the human process. In forgiving you are recognizing that you are responsible for these energies within you and that you are also the means to allow their clearing. So, in evoking forgiveness you are allowing the memories, patterns, and energies to be released. You are done clinging to them and you are giving them permission to be integrated and healed.
GRATITUDE: Finally, a feeling of gratitude for the entire healing process. This seals it. When you are thankful for something you accept that is has been done and given to you. Gratitude is also blessing and love for Who you are, what you are doing, and the harmony and balance that you have brought into the world through this work.
You can do this clearing process on the go. Every time a problem comes up you repeat the phrases: “I love myself, I love you. I’m sorry. I forgive myself, I forgive you. Thank you.” In this simple way, you can use the Ho’oponopono formula and clear energy and memories as they arise throughout your day. It is highly effective. Every time you identify with the powerful healer in you and not the problem, you are clearing and creating change for yourself. And remember, if you’re not clearing the problem, and you engage in it instead, you are actually making the problem stronger. Energy follows thought.
Any energy in your life that is causing you a problem can be healed and transformed. You can work on problems in a relationship, either past of present, a younger version of yourself, blocks and limiting beliefs, a traumatic event, a physical problem, or an emotional problem. You can transform any problem you have in your inner world or outer world. As the energy is healed and cleared, your experience in the outer world shifts as well. 
E. Live in the moment
The reason we find ourselves consumed by worries and stress is because we live in thought most of the time. We want to deal with something that will happen in the future, or we want to be somewhere else, doing something else; or we regret a past action that we cannot change.
Eckhart Tolle describes this in an interview: “For many years I had been deeply identified with thinking and the painful, heavy emotions that had accumulated inside. My thought activity was mostly negative, and my sense of identity was also mostly negative, although I tried hard to prove to myself and to the world that I was good enough by working very hard academically. But even after I had achieved academic success, I was happy for two weeks or three and then the depression and anxiety came back. On that night there was a disidentification from this unpleasant dream of thinking and the painful emotions. The nightmare became unbearable and that triggered the separation of consciousness from its identification with form.
At that moment, consciousness looked at the thought “I can’t live with myself,” and I realized there are two here—“I” and the “self I can’t live with.” And then there was another little thought: Who is this self that I can’t live with? But there was no answer; that was the last question. And then it didn’t matter. This peace had changed my perception of the world of form too, of the external world. When I woke up the next morning, everything was beautiful and intensively alive and peaceful. Without perceiving things through the old filter of past conditioning and conceptualization, one can sense the universe is intensely alive. Even so-called inanimate objects – I often pick up little objects and just look at them and sense that they are alive. Physicists actually confirm that what we perceive as dead matter is not dead at all. Everything is an intensely alive energy field. That aliveness is only an aspect of the aliveness or life that I am.”
You are an observer of your thoughts; you do not become your thoughts unless you attach to them. How do you detach? See the thoughts that enter your mind without judgment. This simple, though difficult at first, notion can make fruitless thoughts become but a whisper.
In Eckhart Tolle’s book “The power of now”, he writes: “Try a little experiment. Close your eyes and say to yourself: “I wonder what my next thought is going to be.” Then become very alert and wait for the next thought. Be like a cat watching a mouse hole. What thought is going to come out of the mouse hole? Try it now.”
This attention automatically brings you an awareness of your own thought process. You become conscious and step out of obsessive thinking in that very moment. Say Tolle’s phrase to yourself at different times throughout the day. This will help you to increase your overall awareness of your thought processes over time and to distinguish them from ‘you’.
You can also imagine your thoughts to be clouds that move through your head. Whenever a thought comes, let it flow through your mind and wait until the next one comes.
You may also try to become more mindful in your daily activities. How does it feel when your foot touches the ground? How does your toothbrush feel on your teeth? What does an apple actually taste like and on which part of your tongue do you taste it? How does the cotton of your pullover feel on your skin?
If you are right handed, try using your left hand to do activities such as brushing your teeth or your hair. Take deep conscious breaths several times a day and feel the air inside your nose. Slow down and look around to see the beauty that surrounds you every day, everywhere. All of this will lead you out of the autopilot mode in which you do everything.
“Through self-observation, more presence comes into your life automatically. The moment you realize you are not present, you are present.” – Eckhart Tolle
 Teal Swan; Follow the feeling process; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVShM00qQ80
 Teal Swan; Dive Deep; http://tealswan.com/articles/dive-deep
 Caitlin Flanagan; Byron Katies four questions; http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Byron-Katies-Four-Questions
 Teal Swan; how to find a core belief: http://tealswan.com/articles/how-to-find-a-core-belief
 Teal Swan; Be Open; http://tealswan.com/articles/be-open
 Pamela Turner, http://www.beginwithin.org/uncategorized/hunahooponopono/
 Eckhart Tolle; https://www.eckharttolle.com/article/Spiritual-Awakening-Of-Eckhart-Tolle
 Eckart Tolle, The Power of Now.